Normalizing Conflict: in the Couples Counseling Process

Conflict is normal and can even be productive!

Couples Counseling is Disruptive in the BEST of ways

I’ve been doing so much intentional thinking about couples work and certain patterns I have noticed recently. Arguably the reason that many couples terminate from clinical care early or don’t even start is because of an often (faulty) correlation made around: couples counseling causes increased CONFLICT!

I’m going to be honest. Couples counseling at its core is deeply disruptive but not in a negative way! Disruption occurs when we do something different, when we invoke change in any way, and when we dig patterns up from the root. Change is inherently disruptive! Couples therapy is a learning space that actively welcomes in new patterns, rhythms, language, and ways of interacting with yourself/your partner—and for many couples the first time they are able to share parts of their inner world with their partner. Doing anything new to and within a longstanding foundation is hard!

Like all forms of therapy: the process of couples therapy can often make things feel worse before situations feels better. Conflict is normal, natural, and *should* happen in emotionally intimate relationships. It’s rather  *how* we do conflict that is hard to confront time and time again.. and the therapy hour puts a spotlight on the unhealthy bits and pieces we are trying to unlearn/relearn. Learning to do anything new forces us to employ grace and care to ourselves and our relationship as we journey.

The therapy room is the safest place to finally trace and confront ways of being that no longer suit the relationship. It will be hard.. it will be tough…. But when you finally break into a new floor of being I promise you it will be so so worth it.

STICK WITH IT!!

If you are interested in starting couples therapy reach out, we would love to journey alongside you!

With warmth,

Camille